I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I puked a lego.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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