Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
