I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
