Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
