i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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