I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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