I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
