good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
