She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
