question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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