I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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