my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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