I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
