I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i came on her dog
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
