My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
