I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
