I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
