Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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