i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
