Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
