They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
