Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
