The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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