Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
