Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
