me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
