I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
