I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
