Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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