Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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