Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
