I feel like I'm in dance class right now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
