3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
