I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
