things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize