Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
