If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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