If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
