I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
