Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
