She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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