OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The air taste purple.
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