the condom got lost in my hair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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