First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
