i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
