I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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