I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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