Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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