Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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