drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am one with the molecules
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
