the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
