There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
