***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
