I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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