Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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