Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
